If you want to be emotionally free, you must accept certain facts about being human.
One: A human being needs companionship above all else, which includes physical contact.
Two: You do not know the truth about yourself. You will imagine and believe yourself to be a certain way but that is not the reality of what drives you.
Three: You are ruled by the subconscious drive for companionship which you can only deny for so long but it will eventually effect your actions, decisions, and mood.
This is why we have conflicting desires and actions which we cannot explain.
Four: You are not at all in control of your life.
As much as you would like to believe you are, you have no control because rule number One drives you in every moment of your life whether you like it or not.
Because we are driven by the instinctive need for companionship, but in a world in which finding true and sincere friends is increasingly difficult, we would like to believe that we are fine on our own. This is a lie, but one which we fight to accept because it makes life easier.
If you doubt that the need of companionship is so strong, then explain why we keep animals in our house and treat them like human beings and children? They are animals, and yet some people connect with them as humans because of the companionship they provide. They are animals, not people. The replacement of what we need with something different does not satisfy the need, it is just a temporary distraction. The hunger remains and drives us in our daily actions.
Many people do things or behave in a certain way which they cannot explain. Fear of speaking up in public, standing up for what you believe, going against the crowd, etc. Many things we are inhibited but are very perplexing because we really want what we seem to fear.
When you are faced with an inner conflict or contradiction of this sort, try to go backwards to what each fear is born from and you will find that eventually the initial fear is to be rejected in some way. Obviously, rejection means loss of companionship.
It does not matter if it is someone you hate, or a group of people you have no interest in. The reality is that if they were the last people on earth, you would be willing to be with them, and even beg them to accept you. Anyone is better than no one.
This is why gangs are growing. The youth of the western world today feels more and more alone as their parents are more interested in their own pleasures rather than in being parents. The children grow up feeling rejected by their family and so turn to any group that gives the family feeling, be that religion, a violent gang, or drug users and heavy drinkers.
Our need for companionship, especially in our youth, will drive us to very self-destructive actions just to feel accepted. Groups with better intentions must be formed!
Find this truth about yourself and you will find many inner confusions will be resolved. When this happens, you will find yourself to be much more free emotionally as you will accept the truth and stop lying to yourself, and then hopefully find the right people to associate with.
If you cannot find an existing group, then start one of your own.
Above all else, we need companionship. This is what drives everything we do. If you will accept this, then maybe you will become more open to other people and welcome new friends into your life, and may make better choices on who you date.